My apologies to all of you. I have been negleting to write on my blog and I don't know where to start now.
So many things happened since April 30th 2011.
Where should I start.....let's make a quick recap...
2nd IVF (April 2011)
I was home alone when I got that dreadful call from the hospital. The second IVF trial didn't work either. I was still not pregnant. This is so disappointing, My husband and I were very sad. I one nano second, our dreams and expectations vanished once again. I have done everything that I could to make it work, I have tried treatments, exercises, therapy. If this second IVF failed to succeed it was definitely not caused by a lack of will and effort from my side. I was really starting to worry that it wouldn't work, that I would never get pregnant.
A negative IVF transfer is a traumatizing experience.
From the moment the doctor transfer the embryo into your womb, you are hoping for a miracle to occurs. You thoughts are mostly focused on making sure to rest for this baby, to take your medication for this baby, to eat well, everything you do is only for the sake of getting pregnant.
You are also affected by the hormones.
When the doctor is ready to transfer the embryo, you have to take oestrogen and progesterone medication. The purpose of these medication is to recreate a similar environment that you would get with natural pregnancy. Since the eggs are taken out of my body to be fertilize, there is no Corpus Luteum (Corps Jaune).
The corpus luteum (latin for corps jaune) is essential for establishing and maintaining pregnancy in females. The corpus luteum secretes progesterone, which is a steroid hormone responsible for the decidualization of the endometrium (its development) and maintenance, respectively.
If the egg is not fertilized, the corpus luteum stops secreting progesterone and decays.
When egg is fertilized
If the egg is fertilized and implantation occurs, the syncytiotrophoblast (derived from trophoblast) cells of the blastocyst secrete the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG, or a similar hormone in other species) by day 9 post-fertilization.
hCG signals the corpus luteum to continue progesterone secretion, thereby maintaining the thick lining (endometrium) of the uterus and providing an area rich in blood vessels in which the zygote(s) can develop. The placenta eventually takes over progesterone production and the corpus luteum degrades into a corpus albicans without embryo/fetus loss.
Luteal support refers to the administration of medication (generally progestins) for the purpose of increasing the success of implantation and early embryogenesis, thereby complementing the function of the corpus luteum.
The medication that you take creates some pregnancy symptoms. Your breast is tender and you might have morning sickness. You would probably never have this kind of symptoms on a regular pregnancy, it would be too early. In fact, you are not suppose to feel much at this time, but the prometrium and estrace sides effects give you the sensation of being prengant. So when you are being told that you were never pregnant in the first place, it's even more difficult to process.
So when I was told that the second protocol didn't work either, you fall from very high.
Next step, stop taking estrogen and progesterone and take a doctor's appointment.
MEETING WITH DR. HOLZER (Mai 2011)
Jay and I took an appointment to meet with Dr. Holzer. We needed to talk about the positive outcome of the last trial, what are the next step to take before we do a third trial.
Overall, our doctor was satisfied with the result at the ovaries stimulation. I was responding really well to the injections, I was young, I was healthy, there was no reason that I was not getting pregnant.
There was a test that Dr. Holzer wanted me to do before we start another protocol.
He wants me to have an hysteroscopie. This exam will determine if there is something inside my uterus that could create a problem for the embryo to attach properly.
HYSTEROSCOPIE is the inspection of the uterine cavity by endoscopy with access through the cervix. It allows for the diagnosis of intrauterine pathology.
Needless to say that I am not trill by this idea, in fact, I am totally terrorized by it. What a bad idea. They tell me it doesn't hurt, but I know better. Ok, if I think about it seriously, it can not be worst then eggs retrival, it's part of my journey to become a mother.... I will do it.
I tried to prepare myself for this exam. I had asked Dr. Holzer to give me a prescription for Ativan. (Ativan (lorazepam) is in a group of drugs called benzodiazepines. Ativan is used to treat anxiety disorders.)
WooHoo! He gave me a prescription for pills.... Wow! Are they worry I will start using it all the time. No repeats? really? There's no chance i'll get addicted with that. Anyway, I took a pill the day before, so I could sleep better and I took the other one 1h30 before the exam.
In order for this exam to be done smoothly, I have to be relax. Impossible for me to relax, just thinking about it and it am getting tensed. Jay is telling me to breath in and out. Relax honey....y'a rien là...he says. Can someone explain to me why men are always so good to tell you to breath and to relax, when you are about to get a physical exam that is just not fun at all? Where is their braveness when they get a cold? Hummmm. Just a thought!
To make a long story short, It didn't work out.
I was curious to see what they would see with the camera, but my cervix decided that nothing was going thru. I am way too tense and it doesn't work. The uterus is contracting everytimes the doctor tries to insert the camera, it hurts so I get stress, it contracts more, then it hurts, then I get more stressed, etc.
The doctor was not able to do the exam, he leaves the room, but I am still laying on the exam table for at least 45 minutes with major cramps. Period like cramps.
I am a little bit pissed. All of this for nothing.
Isabelle 0.5 Hystéroscopie 0
Nobody wins, but I still give myself 0.5 for the effort.
Back to square one. Since the hysteroscopie didn't work, we don't have more information on why the embryo didn't attached to the lining on both previous IVF trials.
We still have a third IVF trial that is included in the government program.
I don't feel ready to do it now. I need time to heal from the previous 2 experiences. I need to prepare my Body, my Mind and my Soul to this adventure.
I will take the summer off to rejuvenate myself and we will start again at fall.
Summer 2011
My husband and I enjoyed our time together. We did some party at our home in Vaudreuil. We went dancing. We took 2 weeks of and did a road trip, with my Audi convertible to Washington DC. We went to see our friends François, Martine et Stella that now leaves in D.C. It was a memorable trip.
On our way back, we stopped in Philadelphia (Rocky Balboa's city) and then New York City.
I also started weekly Moksha yoga classes. I found an amazing teacher in Gen Laroque
http://www.watchmojo.com/video/id/9711/?fb_action_ids=418368318198962&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=246965925417366
I jogged to keep myself in shape and also to try to loose those extra pounds that InVitro put on me. I gain 20 pounds since the beggining of this process. Outch!
November 2011 is coming to an end.
Fall is almost over. December is the perfect time to begin another journey.
We are starting a long protocol, long calendar as they call it at Royal Vic and I am ready, we are ready.
Little did I know, the nurses will modify my calendar 3 times.
This time, I want to involve everyone in this adventure.
My friend Simona will give me one injection.
My friend Kathy...
My mother in Law....
My father also...
My cousin Anne-Marie
Everyone must put their energy into it, I want positive energy, I was success.
NUMEROLOGY
New year 2012, what do you have planned for me.
My numerology is a YEAR 1.
3 + 2 (February) + 2 + 0 + 1+ 2= 10 1+0 = 1
Last year, I was in a year 9
The 9 year cycle brings you to the end of a complete nine-year cycle of your life. It is a year to complete unfinished business, reach conclusions and tie up loose ends. These actions will help you step into the next nine years of your life without the pressure of unresolved matters of the past pulling you back.
The 1 Year Cycle
A journey of change,
new beginnings, independence
and becoming who you really are!
No matter how familiar things may seem, you are on an entirely different road now. The 1 year is the first year of a brand new nine-year cycle of your life. It urges you to create a more satisfying existence by recognizing the new potential that is developing. It is a time of change and new beginnings. Last year brought an entire nine-year era of your life to an end and was probably emotional and confusing. However, those experiences were necessary so that this year's new beginnings can occur. The past is over, but you will need to release the feelings and beliefs that are still anchoring you to it. Then, instead of being shocked or confused by this year's changes, you will more easily understand their purpose.
This is a year of new interests, experiences, goals, and understandings: about life, about you, where you have been, where you are now, and where you would like to be. And, because so much drastic change is required, you will also be learning the meaning of courage. You will gain self awareness this year. You will learn about individuality, and the vital changes that must take place within you if you are to attain what you need. You will be learning about independence, leadership, and originality, and you will need great faith in yourself in order to take appropriate action. You will encounter situations involving your deepest feelings, your unique mind and talent, and your need for greater freedom.
Eggs retrieval
The day of the egg retrival, Jay and I had an idea. Why don't we ask Dr. Holzer to do it?
We wanted him to do it, because we knew he had our best interest, he was our doctor and he is the director of the InVitro clinic. That means something.
We asked Dr. Holzer to do it and he said YES.
During the procedure, Dr. Holzer was joking .....He said, I hope I will remember how to do it, it's been 10 yrs since I last did a retrieval, but I should be able to do it. Hahahah! Jay thought it was funny. ;-) I don't even remember hearing that....thank god!
The procedure when well. Much better then the last one.
In 3-4 days, we will have the transfer.
In the mean time, I am also doing some other holistic treatment to help:
Osteopathic treatments with Alexandre Payot. He told me that my uterus was to acid. In order to prepare my uterus to receive the embryo, I have to cut all dairy product and to eat alkaline food for a while.
Alkaline Forming Foods
Fresh Vegetables:
Artichokes, Asparagus, Avocados, Bamboo Shoots, Beans (String), Beans (wax). Beans, Lima (Dried, or fresh). Beets, Bread, Soy Bean, Cabbage (Red), Carrots, Celery, Chard, Chives, Corn, Cucumbers, Endive, Garlic, Herbs (All), Horse-Radish, Kale, Kohlrabi, Leeks, Lettuce (Leaf), Okra, Onions (Some), Oyster Plant, Parsley, Parsnips, Peas (Fresh), Peppers (Sweet), Pimento, Potatoes (Red), Potatoes (Sweet), Pumpkin, Rutabagas, Sauerkraut, Soy Bean, Spinach (Raw), Sprouts (.All), Squash (All kinds, summer). Tomatoes (Yellow), Vegetable Oyster, Watercress, Yams
Fresh Fruits:
Apples (Golden Delicious), Apricots, Berries (All dark). Cherries (Bing), Grapefruit (Pink), Grapes (Flame &. Concord, Kumquats, Lemons (Tree Ripened), Mango, Kiwi, Logan Berries, Loquats, Lemon (Ripe), Melons (All kinds). Papaya, Passion Fruit, Peaches (One variety). Pears (Bosc- Japanese)
Nuts (Raw):
Cashew, Macadmaia, Pecan
Starches & Sugars:
Beans (Pinto), Carob, Corn Bread (Yellow), Corn Meal (Yellow), Corn Meal Cereal, Cornstarch Crackers (Alkaline / Whole-grains), Hominy, Soybeans (Bread/dried, Spaghetti (Egg Noodle), Popcorn (Yellow) Maple Syrup (100% Pure), Pancake (Alkaline Flour), Pastries (Alkaline Flour), Peas (Dried Green), Organic Brown Rice - Short grain, Vegetable Pasta
Flours:
Artichoke, Chick Pea, Durum Flour, Masa Harina, Millet, Oat, Rye, Semolina, Soy
Proteins:
Avocados (Ripe), Beans (Pinto), Buttermilk, Catfish (Farm), Clams, Cheese (White), Cornish Hen, Duck, Fish (White), Goat Milk (Raw), Lamb, Nuts, Rabbit, Raw Milk, Seeds (Sprouted all). Turtle, Yogurt Plain
Misc.:
Butter (Sweet), Carob, Chocolate Bitter, Chlorophyll. Herbal Beverage, Herb Teas, Olive Oil
REIKI
I really want to become a mother. I have work on my body; I have work on my mind, now it's time to work on my soul.
What Is Reiki?
Reiki is a form of Japanese therapy that uses simple hands-on, no-touch, and visualization techniques, with the goal of improving the flow of life energy in a person. Reiki (pronounced ray-key ) means "universal life energy" in Japanese.
MASSOTHERAPIE.
I am also getting a massage every other week. It helps reduce all the stress that get stuck in my shoulder and my neck.
Honestly, If it exist, I have tried it.
If this IVF doesn't end up in a baby....or 2, it will definitly not be because I haven't tried it all.
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